: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
