R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
