Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
