i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
