Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
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That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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