I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
