i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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