3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
