i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
