I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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