Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
