no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
