Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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