We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
