it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
