you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
