Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
