We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
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Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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