benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
