Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
