Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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