I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
