I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
