i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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