Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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