Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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