Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
