my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
