i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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