Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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