I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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