i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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