Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
