Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
