So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
