i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
