he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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