I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
