My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize