Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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