I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He has the fingertips of a God
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