You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
