Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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