A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
