omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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