I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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