try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
