I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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