You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize