I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
