maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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