it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
