she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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