Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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