I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
