I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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