there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
