just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
