Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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