you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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