Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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