if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
