Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
