My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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