Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize